When parents ask if they should talk to their children about natural disasters or , Melissa Brymer almost always answers yes.
Children are likely to hear about such events through the news, social media or their peers, said Brymer, director of the UCLA-Duke National Center for Child Traumatic Stress. It’s important for children to know they can come to adults for help processing incidents that are frightening and confusing.
After a Shreveport man fatally shot eight children last week, including seven of his own, Brymer’s team immediately reached out to h officials and the state Department of Education to make sure schools were equipped to support students. On Thursday, at least one person was killed and several injured during a shooting at the Mall of h in Baton Rouge.
Brymer and her team have long deployed resources in h. They train community members and state employees in “psychological first aid,” an approach for helping people in the immediate aftermath of a disaster that involves connecting survivors with resources and sharing coping strategies.
A clinical psychologist who specializes in working with children and families who have been impacted by trauma, Brymer said violence in a community can affect children even if they are not directly involved. Simply hearing about violent incidents can cause children to feel scared or anxious and experience behavior or sleeping issues.
Research shows that nearly one in four students across the country has been exposed to a traumatic event of some kind, which can impact their behavior and ability to learn.
Brymer recently spoke about how parents and teachers can talk to children about violent incidents.
Melissa Brymer, director of the Terrorism & Disaster Program at UCLA/Duke University National Center for Child Traumatic Stress. (Photo provided)
This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.
What does research tell us about the impact of community violence on children?
Some of the ways children are impacted by mass violence includes startling easily after loud sounds; worrying about the safety of themselves or loved ones; sleep troubles; difficulties paying attention or focusing on tasks; having sights, sounds, people or other things remind them of the violence; feeling isolated, or numb, like friends and family don’t understand, or feeling distant from them; and being unable to get rid of thoughts, images or visions of the mass violence event.
Kids that might not have been as closely connected to the event are going to be anxious right now, but with support from adults in their lives we know they can heal. For those most impacted, there are specific trauma and grief treatments available.
What advice do you give parents about talking to children about violence in the community?
It’s really important that adults check in with their kids on what they’ve heard and (ask) if they have any questions or concerns so they know parents are willing to have that conversation. Sometimes things are wrong on social media, or kids say things wrong, so sometimes we have to clarify what kids have heard.
Sometimes we use books to help kids relate. You can describe how characters are feeling and then check in with the child to see if they’re having any of these feelings. There may be anger, sadness, fear.
How can teachers and other educators address gun violence with their students?
Sometimes it shows up in the classroom if their classmate has died. It’s important to acknowledge that person isn’t there and that we miss that person and maybe even highlight what that person brought to the classroom. Maybe they were a good artist or they helped out a lot.
For kids who might be closer to the event and may know more details, we want to have more private conversations. Other kids that don’t know these details don’t need to hear it, but we want those kids closer to the event to get support. So that’s when we can use our counselors and nurses.
How should parents or primary guardians approach these conversations?
Adults need to get our own support before we talk to our kids.
It’s important for us to check in and initiate the conversation. Often I’ve worked with kids who have said, “Nobody’s talked to me about it,” because everyone is waiting for the child to take the lead.
The children sometimes don’t want to upset their parents so they don’t say anything. Sometimes we have to show kids that we’re ready and willing to have that conversation, and if kids aren’t ready in the moment let them know they can come back to you at any time.
We can also talk about things we can do when we get distressed or upset. If your child is upset about what they heard, if they’re missing their friend, can we practice regulating our breath together as a family? When we regulate our breath and calm our bodies down that can help kids feel more in control when something scary happens.
Should these conversations vary depending on a child’s age?
When kids get to adolescence they’re going to want to talk about what happened and they might want to get into policies about gun violence or domestic violence or talk about other times they have worried about their safety. Younger kids aren’t going to want to go into those details.
Follow your kid’s lead of what questions they ask. Sometimes they want to talk about it for a couple minutes and then go off and play and then come back. Sometimes younger kids might need shorter conversations.
Parents know their children and where they’re at developmentally.
Do you have any other guidance?
We suggest starting these conversations at a time other than bedtime, so if the child has some emotionality they have time to regulate their bodies before they go to sleep. Maybe before dinner or after school.
Kids do better keeping the same routines, knowing when bedtime is, knowing there’s consistency. There can be a little grace, but generally kids do better when they know what’s predictable — especially after something so unpredictable.
What mental health resources do you recommend for young people?
The national suicide and domestic crisis hotline is 988.
The National Center for Child Traumatic Stress has developed a . See .